At just over 70 pounds I am almost halfway to the weight loss goal I set when I started this journey. Every new day brings with it a new commitment to losing weight and getting in shape. I watch what I eat, I work out, and now, this far in, my new habits are just that, habits. I do not miss the foods I gave up, nor do I dread working out each morning. I feel better than I have in years, and I have a very positive outlook. I am not tempted, not longing, not missing any of the things I have deemed off limits to myself. I am not following someone else’s plan, not following some diet thought up by some stranger and then put in book form to guide me through the jungle. I am figuring it out as I go along, reading and researching what interests me and applying my new knowledge to my circumstances in a way that fits, that works. I know what my weaknesses have been in the past, I know what foods will lead me down into the bad habits, into the world of being obese again. I am still overweight, I still have a long way to go, but I am different now, I am not dwelling on what I have left behind but instead looking forward to where I am going, to all the things I will be able to do once I am fit. I am not on a diet, I am not going back to the way it was, I am not counting down the days until I can have that one thing that I miss most, I don’t know what that one thing is anymore, I gave up so many things that I never plan on picking back up again, but I don’t miss them. I am heading into the holiday season, a season that traditionally is full of food and celebration, of indulging. I am entering into the season different this year, I have no plans of pausing the work I have started, I have no plans of giving in to the temptations that will cross my path, the foods that litter potluck tables and are hand made and hand delivered by well meaning people sharing good cheer. I am not depriving myself, I am healing myself. I am not punishing myself, for years of overeating and eating all the wrong things, I am rewarding myself for finally making the commitment to be healthier, to work on my nutrition goals with a goal in mind. I am not suffering, I am celebrating another day of sticking with it, of getting that much closer to the goal.
I do not feel sorry for myself, because I am not struggling, I am not tempted, I am not wanting, the trick now is to make sure the people who love me, who support me, who surround me, don’t lose sight of my goal either, don’t fall into the trap of sabotaging the good intentions out of a feeling of concern, certainly this one day, this one event, you can let go, you can eat just a little. I had an issue with food, I have left it behind, but I don’t plan on tempting fate to see if it is still there, no, that one little thing for me could be like a cigarette to an ex-smoker, could be like a drink to the alcoholic, could open a door I have no desire to ever go through again. So, thank you for the offer, but no thanks, I am fine eating what I eat, in the amount I eat, and leaving the table never stuffed, never feeling like I should not have taken that last bite, or ten. At just over 70 pounds lost, I have a long way to go, but I am getting there, thanks for understanding.