Shelly's Spot

The Words That Tumble Onto The Page

Category: Confessions Of An Overweight Me (page 1 of 2)

Ending One Year And Beginning A New One

When 2016 began I weighed a remarkable 283.6 pounds, I was eating poorly, drinking a lot of diet cola and not exercising. I was slowly and with little regard for the truth, killing myself. By the last day of 2016 I had given up my diet cola addiction, I had completely changed the way I eat and the way I view food, and I was exercising daily and looking forward to adding to my workout routine. So, I ended 2016 a full 90 pounds lighter than when I started, for those of you who can’t do the math that fast, that means that when I woke up on new years day 2017 I weighed roughly 193.4, a little over 90 pounds lost. I am now 4 days into the new year and down a little more, I weighed 192.6 this morning, which is a 91 pound loss since starting this journey. I began this journey on April 28, 2016.

I met a woman at the store not that long ago, and when I knew the exact day I started on this path, she pointed out that I sounded like an addict who had given up something. In a way, I feel a bit like an addict that has given up something. Certainly my diet cola habit was an addiction, when I went without for more than a day I would get headaches. Certainly the fact that I craved sweets and junk food, and not the healthy options, meant that my eating habits had turned from nourishing to filling some other need, some addiction that I had developed over time. So, maybe I am a recovering addict, but food, unlike most addictions people get through, can’t be shunned forever, food is necessary and isn’t evil or the enemy, even if sometimes it seems that way. The addiction then must be conquered in a world where I will forever be exposed to food. I am no longer an addict, I no longer crave the garbage and junk food, I no longer crave or am even tempted to drink the diet cola, I am not interested in the sweets or artificial sweetener that brought me back for more over and over in a constant cycle of unhealthy eating and drinking that only left me wanting more and weighing more.

I know this is my path, and that it isn’t for everyone, and it might not even work for everyone, we are all of us individuals, my new goals are to continue on this journey, to keep losing weight and to getting fit and to building strength and stamina. My new goals are to being more active, every day, to learning more about what it means to live a healthy lifestyle, to living as clean as I can. My new goals are to not become that know it all, who will tell you every mistake you are making in your life, who will lecture you about your choices in that overbearing way, because I gave up what you still do. I am not looking to jump on a bandwagon and spout off about how my way is the best way, or the only way, or what everyone should be doing. This is my lifestyle choice, it is not my religion, it isn’t going to work for everyone. What I can tell you is that I had to give it all up at once, I had to make the change quickly and with no looking back, because that is what worked for me. It might work for some people, others might need to make changes gradually, still others might not need to change as much, everyone is different and their path must be their own. What I will tell you is that if I can do it, if I can change my life and lifestyle so drastically, and have so much success and find myself growing smaller everyday as I grow wiser and stronger, then anyone can do it.

I didn’t find a magic lamp that did it for me, through my faith and the support of other people I have continued on this path. I think talking about it, making it public and putting it out there, so that people were interested and watching, that made me have to be honest and forced me to either stick with it, or admit defeat and I am not good at admitting defeat, or losing in general, or in giving up in front of people, so I knew my own mind well enough to know that I would rather keep going than to admit I couldn’t do it to other people. Maybe that made the difference this time, so often we go on quiet diets, where we don’t want to mention it, in case it doesn’t work, or people can’t see the results fast enough, and they begin asking. I don’t care if it slows down, as long as I don’t. So, bring on 2017, the new year promises to be a healthier one than I have had in years, and I know I will get to go shopping for new clothes, more than once, and I will move more, and eat less and be healthier and happier and it will be good.

Closing In On The End Of The Year

The scale today tells me that I have lost 87.6 pounds since starting this process, I would love to end the year at or beyond 90 pounds lost, but only because I am so close. When I started this at the end of April I would have been happy with 30 pounds lost by the end of the year, at some point in the summer I began to entertain the idea of ending the year 60 pounds lighter than when 2016 began. Now I see 90 pounds getting close and I am so excited. Now, with more than a week left one might think that losing less than 3 more pounds would be easy, or with more than 85 pounds lost you might think that I should be happy with that, both are true and I am happy and proud. I have all of 2017 to continue to work on what I have started and now it is who I am, this person who eats less and healthier, this person who works out every day, this person who no longer lives behind the weight and baggy clothes. I see 90 pounds as possible, when I would have never dreamed that would be true when I started this process, but 90 pounds isn’t where this ends, I still have quite a ways to go before I am where I am headed. 90 pounds will put me at 193.6 pounds, which leaves me with almost 60 pounds to go on the way to where I am going. I am eagerly awaiting my new AB bench, which should arrive today, but is for Christmas, so I don’t know if it will get put together before this weekend. I am looking forward to adding to my workout routine in the coming year, I have great plans, I am adding strength training, working my core and my arms a lot more. I will continue to do Zumba, and will increase my walking. We went to the Grand Canyon this past weekend and I was excited to be able to climb the stairs from the train depot to the rim without having to stop to catch my breath, and was able to walk around without ending the day sore or too tired to walk. I am looking forward to adding some hiking into my life this coming year, where we live we can hike year round, it will be nice to finally take advantage of that fact.

I am looking at resolutions for the new year a little differently than I have in the past, mostly because I am so good at breaking the resolutions that are made with no regard to where I am starting. So this year I plan to continue what I am doing, and I plan to add gradually to my routines more workouts and more challenges. I plan to continue eating the way I am eating, I might try new things or remove more old things, as I learn to balance and plan for a future where I am fit and active. I plan on continuing to write, and to build my skills as a writer and nurture my creative side. This year my resolutions are about continuing on the right path and to let the weeds grow over the wrong paths, to walk past my old ways as I head into becoming who I should be. I am looking forward to the coming year, one that promises to be better than I could have hoped for when I set about losing weight and getting in shape. This coming year will be about living life to the fullest, about loving more and growing in my faith, using my gifts toward fulfilling my calling in life. This coming year will be about taking care of myself, and taking care of those I love, those people who I can now better care for because I am healthier, because I am now setting a better example.

The scale today tells me I have lost 87.6 pounds since the end of April, but it tells me so much more than that, it tells me what I have gained, it shows me how far I have come, it shows me where I am heading, it affirms what I am doing and it shows me that I am on the right path. I am looking forward to the coming year, because it promises to be a great one, full of personal growth, full of promise, and full of hope. Whether I end the year with a 90 pound loss or not, I am so thankful for the blessings that made it possible to get to this point and I will continue to move forward.

Even More Of What I Am Doing

As I read the last post about the things I changed in my life to get me losing weight and moving to get fit, I didn’t mention that I log everything in the MyFitnessPal app, which is a handy (yes, there is a free version) tool for tracking everything you eat, drink, every workout, your weight, etc. I like this app, and there are others that are good as well, but I like the articles on the blog from this app. It links up to my fitness tracker, I have a Fit-Bit right now, and it also links up with the MapMyWalk app I use to map any walking routes I take and keeps track of distance and speed. I also started taking Collagen Peptides a few months ago, which I believe are helping with some of my achy stuff I have/had. There are great articles on-line about collagen peptides and their benefits, so I do not have to go into detail here about what I learned.

What I have done isn’t that difficult, it just takes some determination and some self informing research, all the information is available on-line, and available to anyone with a computer or smart phone and connection to the Internet.

How the process worked/works: I had to be painfully honest with myself, I had to write things down and really admit what I was doing to myself. This is probably the hardest part, you aren’t writing it down for anyone but you, but you have to take a good hard look at your habits and figure out what needs changing and what that change will look like. Once I had listed my personal “sins” or weaknesses, my bad habits and my falling off a cliff cravings that would and had sabotaged me in the past, I then took each one of those as smaller parts of the same whole and decided how I would eliminate them from my life. I do not plan on picking up those bad habits again, I do not plan on going back there. With my lists and notes to myself, I began searching for information that made sense to me, and once I hit on an idea I would go deeper into the research from that point. I looked at both sides of every discussion, looked for the science or lack there of, and moved forward when I felt sure that was the right path. I could have turned back and started over again in a different direction if I had needed to. As I have continued on this path I have continued to read, to research and to follow the signs I find toward a healthier and more fit me.

Why I am not calling this a diet: because it isn’t. Well, it is a complete life overhaul and one that will continue for the rest of my life. All the research indicates that if I want to live a long healthy life I need to work out for the rest of it, working out is not a punishment it is a reward, follow the logic, because I am active I am more able to go out and do what I want to do, the activity of working out leads to the other activities I want to do. Somewhere along the way my workout has become something I look forward to, so it really is a win-win. What I eat is what I want to eat as the new person I am becoming, I do not want the things I left behind, I feel so much better now, cleaner now, vibrant now, why would I ever go back and reintroduce into my life, diet and body the things that made me, not just obese, but feel bad. I am not taking this in stages, where with each new stage I get to add back something, I am actually regularly looking at my life and seeing where I can take away and where I need to add. I am regularly listening to my body and trying to live in such a way that I am working with my own body and not against it.

Where am I getting this stuff? Well, one of the things I decided was to figure out what got me where I was in the first place and I figured out that while it was all my own doing, some of it was also some of our cultural norms, so I pondered that and wondered what do other cultures historically do differently, recently and ancient, that keeps their populations thinner and living longer. One of the things I am working on adopting and implementing is the Japanese practice of “hara hachi bu”, this means that you eat until you are 80% full, no matter how much food is still on your plate. In our culture we eat all of it, if it is on our plate, we don’t know what 80% full even feels like, because we are not paying enough attention to our body and the signals it is sending out. If you want to learn more about the philosophy just perform a google search for “hara hachi bu”. It sounds so simple, yet I am undoing a lifetime of cleaning my plate. I wish this was something we taught our children, because instead what we do is fill their plate with adult sized portions and tell them to eat up or there will be no dessert and that is a recipe for disaster, just look at our obesity rates in this country. Ah, but this is not a lecture from a reformed “fat” girl and we must all decide where we are, where we are going and who we will be when we get there. So, to keep it in perspective, where I started was at 283 pounds an obese 52 year old woman. Where am I going, I plan on being below 140 pounds, my ideal goal when I started was 135 pounds, but not just a thinner me, a stronger and more fit me, picking up healthy habits along the way toward living a long, happy and healthy life.

Who will I be? That is still being decided, as I lose weight and work out I am discovering things about myself, my likes and dislikes, my style and outlook, I am discovering and rediscovering myself. I try to practice a Japanese philosophy as it relates to food, I drink my Matcha tea and use Matcha in baking. I do Zumba everyday. I take collagen peptides. I drink Kombucha, which if you haven’t tried it, there really is a difference in taste between brands. I continue to take some of my supplements, and look into changing some things, like looking for a better multivitamin. I am changing, for the better, I am more connected to my faith, probably because I am not cluttering my life with so much junk, I am writing again, which is great for my mental state. I want to live to be 104, a number based on doubling how old I am now, because I am finally getting it right.

I am heading in the right direction, and for now I am taking it one day at a time. I had a messed up relationship with food, I am recovering from that, I was not working out, I am remedying that, I was not taking care of myself, I am changing that. For now, I have to go get ready to do my workout this morning, so, make today an adventure.

How I Got Where I Am

When I started this weight loss journey I was not ready to admit out loud, or in print, how much I weighed. I wasn’t ready to admit how out of control I had gotten, but as I near another milestone I suppose I should go back a little and really explain how I got to the point of changing everything in an effort to take back control of my life.

My scale said I weighed 283 pounds, you read that right, 283 pounds is a big number and one I never thought I would see on a scale when I stepped onto it. It had been a gradual process, but it had been happening and I knew it and did nothing but talk to myself about it for years. I had recently been on a trip where my weight working together with other factors had made me be the person that keeps everyone else from having fun. I couldn’t walk that far, my knees hurt, my back hurt, I was the reason we sat still. When I got home I realized that all the dreaming and talking about losing weight were never going to change me. The only thing that could change me was me, and I didn’t want to have surgery to lose weight, but I also didn’t want to have surgery because of some complication from being obese. So, I began to list my issues and hit the Internet and look for what I could do, and how I could get control of this thing. I made a lot of discoveries, some of which the science is still in debate, but I jumped in with both feet and made changes.

I mentioned that I cut out a bunch of stuff, you can go back to my earliest posts to see what I did there. What follows is a more detailed description of what I did, it is not medical advice and please do not take it as such. I am not trained in medicine, I have no expertise and don’t think anyone should just do what I did because it worked for me. I know my own body and mind pretty well, and through my research I decided to take some steps.

I came to the conclusion that I probably had Candida overgrowth, a somewhat controversial issue, if you read enough articles, but I went through them and decided that if indeed this was possible then I did have it. So, I took a supplement to kill off as much Candida as I could and I also began taking a good pro-biotic to replace the bad with good. I say good pro-biotic because I had taken a useless pro-biotic for years. The pro-biotic I take has over 30 billion live cultures, from at least 10 different strains and some are colony forming spores. It was time to take back control of my gut. I also began taking fiber supplements. I took the full dose of the Candida supplements for 2 full months and then 1/2 a dose for another 2 months. By then my diet was completely different and my work out routine was well into habit levels. I began taking a supplement that curbs appetite naturally, without any negative side effects. I also began taking a supplement that aids in digestion, which I continue to take. All of these supplements are plant based and there are no harsh chemicals in them. I did do a gentle colon cleanse early on and I did take a supplement to aid in kidney cleansing/health for a brief time. My thought there was that I had been pumping toxins into my body for years and as I worked on flushing those out of me I might want to help my garbage flushing systems recover as well.

I will say that within 24 hours of stopping all the junk food, and starting the supplements I had lost the desire for the junk. Within a week I could easily pass by my old favorites in the store and even bring them home for my son and not even be tempted. My system began to react almost instantly in other ways, for one, my weight loss that first month was amazing, and it has continued to drop at a steady rate. I began working out about 3 weeks after starting this process.

My diet is now made up of healthy options, I do eat fruit and veggies more, but I still eat lean meats and grains. My grains are healthier and more resembling their original form. I eat a lot more fish, as I live in the desert my fish tends to be in the sardine form, which I have found a couple of brands that are packed in tins with nothing but other sardines, and are responsibly caught and tasty. I also like salmon and have found a pouch version that is also responsibly caught, from safe waters and I buy the one serving in a pouch as I am the only one in the house who will eat it. It is great on a salad.

I continue on some of my supplements, the appetite suppressing supplement is still part of my routine as is the fiber, pro-biotic and digestive aid. I also drink a bunch of water and a cup of tea each day, with matcha tea mixed in for good measure and health benefits. I work out every day, something I look forward to now. I am different than I was when I weighed 283 pounds, I have lost over 80 pounds and am almost under 200 pounds, so close I can feel it. I will continue to lose weight and work out to get fit, I will not go back to the things that got me so big to begin with. I am happier than I was, I feel better and look better, not just thinner but I look better.

That is how I started this whole process, I didn’t mention brands because I am not recommending or suggesting these to anyone else, I just thought I should be honest about how I got this far.

Eighty Pounds and Two Holidays Later

So, I made it through both Halloween and, the kick off of the Holiday Season, Thanksgiving. I made it through without compromising on my goals, I made it without feeling like I was missing out on something because I didn’t want the things I am not eating. I made it through and continued to not only watch what I eat and continuing to exercise daily but I have continued to lose weight. Since September 3rd I have lost just over 25 pounds, which is a wonderful feeling, not just because of the weight loss, but because of the victory of the will to succeed. In the past I would have sabotaged myself, I would have slipped up, I would have found a reason to give up or cheat myself, but this time I don’t want to sabotage myself, I don’t want the things that would make me slip up, I don’t want to cheat myself, this time I have left those things behind. This time it is my mind and body working together, I don’t want the things I gave up, I am not tempted. I am not fighting an urge, there is no urge, except the urge to eat healthy, to workout, to keep going. I am free, and I can feel it in every bit of my life. It is funny, because until I freed myself I didn’t even realize I was chained to my old ways, I didn’t recognize the trap I had walked into. Food had lost all meaning, food isn’t supposed to be our friend, we can enjoy good food, and enjoy it with the people whose company we also enjoy, but the food, it isn’t supposed to be my companion.

I have discovered things about myself, about my world, I have discovered things about food. Some things I learn are just interesting, a moment of understanding, but there are times, when I am reading about what the food industry does to entice consumers, to make money, to indeed at times lay a trap for us, it is appalling, it is frustrating, it is eye opening. I can’t blame the industry though, their job is indeed to make money, I do wonder about our regulations though, how some countries, countries we identify with, like England, Canada and Australia, to name a few can ban certain things because they know they are not good and yet we freely consume them. I can wonder about how people can say they are concerned about the rise of obesity and yet continue to lay before us a plethora of foods that are labeled “healthy” that no one who has done any scientific research can even laughingly call healthy. I am not blaming the food industry for my obesity, I knowingly ate the wrong things, I knowingly didn’t exercise, I knowingly made choices that were bad for me, but I was aided by a system that wanted me to make those choices. The diet industry isn’t much better, there are so many different diet plans out there that feed us the line that in 2 weeks we will see a marked improvement, or be so much healthier, but what about the next week? What about the next year, or the rest of our lives? Sure, if I follow the pattern, I will initially lose weight, and feel better, but then I am left with no actual knowledge of how to continue, I can’t possibly believe that I can just reintroduce all those things I cut out, back into my diet in slow steady increments and keep the weight off. As a matter of fact, science indicates that I will not only gain back what I lost, but gain back more, and so I will once again turn to the latest diet plan and put my money into a system that is designed for short term success. This is why I am not following a diet plan, this is why I decided to take control of my eating and exercise, this is why this is a life long change and commitment, because I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to be a statistic.

So, I made it through the first 2 overeating holidays, and I am looking forward to Christmas, not because I will overeat, or eat all the wrong things, but because I am so happy that this year I am respecting myself, and I am more focused on my faith than ever before. I am clearer, than I have been in years and I am looking forward to the coming year, the first year in a long time where I will not be obese, a slave to my bad food habits or addictions. Yes, I did say addictions, and I have recognized them and put names to them and pushed them out of my life, I have made the commitment to wake up every day and not behave the way I did before this process started. I believe that everyone should make up their own minds, I will not lecture you, or point out what you are doing wrong, I will not try to deprive you or change you, that is why I don’t share many specifics about what I have learned, because I don’t want to call anyone out on their decisions. My problems with diet and exercise were mine, and I own them, acknowledge them and am dealing with them, it was about my weakness, not anyone else.

What I do know, at this point and going forward, is that no two people are alike, we all come from a different place and we are all going to a different place, as it relates to food, exercise and fitness. If you are looking for guidance, mine is limited by my own experiences, what I am doing anyone could do, just decide to, and then read, and read more, keep track of things if that works for you, find someone to join you if that works for you, or don’t do either if you don’t need to. Don’t do it my way, do it your way, whether your way looks a lot like my way or completely different. For years I talked about when I lost weight, how life would be different, but all that talk never had the effect I wanted, as a matter of fact I steadily gained weight, all while talking about losing weight. I had to actually commit to doing something, and so that is where I am today, down 82 pounds and committed to a new life.

I Survived My First Trip Out Of Town

I am more than halfway through my weight loss journey, and I feel great. I just spent a week out of town, trying to find meals that offered variety as well as met the criteria I have set for myself. It isn’t always easy, because I am not following any one diet plan, I am making this up as I go along, and sometimes the options available are limited, but I survived and I feel great about that. I also did a ton of walking while out of town, almost 9 miles one of the days, and I feel great about that too. I would never have made it 6 months ago, yet here I am walking all day and following that up with walking the next day and not feeling like I over did it. I am happy about that, I look forward to being able to go places and sight see, or just enjoy the weather and company while I travel. I am glad that I am no longer falling behind and getting so worn out that we all have to stop on my account, I am still slower, but that is because my legs are kind of short and so my stride is shorter. I am also in good spirits because while I did not lose weight while I was out of town, I didn’t gain any weight back, and within 48 hours of being home I have lost a pound. My body is doing what it is supposed to do, and I feel so much better for it. I am eating well, exercising regularly and still keeping track of everything as I go. I love logging my food, drink and exercise, it keeps me honest with myself and aware of how I am doing throughout the day. I really do think that makes a world of difference in the effort. So, at 77 pounds lost, more than halfway through and I am not slowing down, I know there will be more temptations as we enter into the holiday season, but I don’t feel tempted to break down, to put the effort on pause, to cheat. I don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to go backward, I want to keep moving forward. I want to be fit, to look and feel great, to have more energy, and stamina, to be able to wear clothes I like, and to be able to take pride in my look. I don’t want to go backward, I don’t want to be who I was 6 months ago, I want to be who I am becoming. I am so excited for the second half of this journey, and then, to figuring out how to stay fit and active, how to keep the momentum going after the weight is off and I am focused on building strength and better stamina.

New Clothes

So, I hit my half-way point in my weight loss journey, and went a little beyond, and that means I needed some new clothes. I have bought a couple of items as I have been going along, but when you lose 75 pounds you discover that a lot of your once baggy clothes are now falling off of you when you walk. I am buying clothes that are flattering, no longer wearing clothes that are baggy and so fail to compliment, but also not going for a tight fit that shows off every curve I have yet to curb. This of course means that I am going to be shopping for new clothes a number of times as I go through the process, that is why I am only buying a few items at a time.

This past weekend I had the pleasure of finally shopping in an area other than the plus size zone for the first time in years, while I am still an XL size, I am closing in on large. It was exciting to try on new clothes and realize that I had indeed lost enough weight to see the difference in the mirror. I still have a long way to go, but I claim the small victory of moving from one area of the store to another.

My mom thinks I should write a book when this is all done, and maybe I will. I continue to read articles and discover that what I seemed to figure out on my own is backed up by the most recent research and science. I am still doing this my way, I work out every day and watch what I eat, I am not inclined to add back into my life those things that I know are my weaknesses, not because I am still weak, but because they don’t add anything positive to the mix, and they have the potential of messing everything up. I am already a new me, on the way to who I will be when I am fit. As I change clothing sizes I notice that I too have changed, no longer tempted by the things that used to call my name. So, I am half-way there, and moving on with purpose and focus. I am heading into the first holiday season in a long time where I will not be obese, munching on sweets and baked goodies, and grazing at the buffet table. I don’t need to do that anymore, I don’t need to wear baggy clothes, so that people can’t tell if I have gained a little weight, because I haven’t. I don’t need to wear baggy clothes anymore, hiding my true size behind the curtains that I called clothes. I have owned my weight issues, I have owned my issues with food and my lack of exercise, and I have changed them. I still have weight issues, but I am taking control and changing the rules. I feel like I have conquered my food issues, and am moving in the right direction, eating better and less, and for all the right reasons. I am exercising every day, and so feel that I have taken control of that aspect of my health as well, I move more and with purpose every day, and I feel so much better for it.

I am ready, to be a new me, and now I have some new clothes to go along with it, for the first time in years I enjoyed shopping for clothes.

Almost Halfway There

At just over 70 pounds I am almost halfway to the weight loss goal I set when I started this journey. Every new day brings with it a new commitment to losing weight and getting in shape. I watch what I eat, I work out, and now, this far in, my new habits are just that, habits. I do not miss the foods I gave up, nor do I dread working out each morning. I feel better than I have in years, and I have a very positive outlook. I am not tempted, not longing, not missing any of the things I have deemed off limits to myself. I am not following someone else’s plan, not following some diet thought up by some stranger and then put in book form to guide me through the jungle. I am figuring it out as I go along, reading and researching what interests me and applying my new knowledge to my circumstances in a way that fits, that works. I know what my weaknesses have been in the past, I know what foods will lead me down into the bad habits, into the world of being obese again. I am still overweight, I still have a long way to go, but I am different now, I am not dwelling on what I have left behind but instead looking forward to where I am going, to all the things I will be able to do once I am fit. I am not on a diet, I am not going back to the way it was, I am not counting down the days until I can have that one thing that I miss most, I don’t know what that one thing is anymore, I gave up so many things that I never plan on picking back up again, but I don’t miss them. I am heading into the holiday season, a season that traditionally is full of food and celebration, of indulging. I am entering into the season different this year, I have no plans of pausing the work I have started, I have no plans of giving in to the temptations that will cross my path, the foods that litter potluck tables and are hand made and hand delivered by well meaning people sharing good cheer. I am not depriving myself, I am healing myself. I am not punishing myself, for years of overeating and eating all the wrong things, I am rewarding myself for finally making the commitment to be healthier, to work on my nutrition goals with a goal in mind. I am not suffering, I am celebrating another day of sticking with it, of getting that much closer to the goal.

I do not feel sorry for myself, because I am not struggling, I am not tempted, I am not wanting, the trick now is to make sure the people who love me, who support me, who surround me, don’t lose sight of my goal either, don’t fall into the trap of sabotaging the good intentions out of a feeling of concern, certainly this one day, this one event, you can let go, you can eat just a little. I had an issue with food, I have left it behind, but I don’t plan on tempting fate to see if it is still there, no, that one little thing for me could be like a cigarette to an ex-smoker, could be like a drink to the alcoholic, could open a door I have no desire to ever go through again. So, thank you for the offer, but no thanks, I am fine eating what I eat, in the amount I eat, and leaving the table never stuffed, never feeling like I should not have taken that last bite, or ten. At just over 70 pounds lost, I have a long way to go, but I am getting there, thanks for understanding.

Seventy Pounds

So, hitting 70 pounds is a huge deal, and yet I know I cannot stop or even pause, I am not quite half-way there, I still have a long way to go, and while now the habits are set and so it does not feel so much like work as it does like who I am, I know that the weight loss will not get easier or quicker from here on out. So, I rededicate myself, I imagine the next ten pounds, and the ten after that, but I focus on the next one, I will work everyday to lose one more pound, and then I will work to lose the next one.

I continue to do Zumba, with hand weights, to help my arms. I am also still logging all my food and drinks, I am happy that the weather is turning cooler and so I can walk up to the store for a couple of items instead of always driving, although, if I am getting a lot of things I still have to drive. I am still eating less than I once did, and what I eat is always considered for what it is giving me, not just to fill a need or to curb boredom. I am getting better at stopping just before I am full, instead of eating until I am full, so I am not feeling bloated or stuffed. I am heading into the holiday season, a season that in the past has been filled with goodies and large meals and stuffing myself, forget the turkey… but this year it will be different. I will eat less and still focus on the quality of my food. This year I will be more active, continuing to work out daily and to move in the right direction. This year I will not be baking a bunch of cookies and other goodies, but I am making my own body wash/shampoo and my own moisturizers and other personal items, and while I will not be giving away as many home made items as I have in the past, my kitchen still gets messed up with measuring spoons and cups, with mixing bowls and other things. I am looking forward to being able to move about, to get outside and enjoy the cooler weather, to feel better about myself. This is why I am doing this, so that I can live a different kind of life, one where I feel better, where I am healthy and active and moving, one where I can once again get out there

When Things Slow Down

A lot of working on weight loss is waiting, a lot of the process is not seeing a change for days, but sticking to the plan anyway. A body has to hit those plateaus and then start again, the trick is not to allow those plateaus to cause me to slide back, to get frustrated and pick up something I shouldn’t. This is true of any life changing activity a person begins. I am not unique in this journey, and I am not alone. I understand that my body needs to adjust to the changes, and that sometimes those adjustments will take longer and sometimes those adjustments will barely be a blip on the radar screen of life. Life is always a process of change, we are aging every minute, we are born, we grow up, we experience life, all of these are changes, and the whole of our lives is a journey of change and discovery. So, I am ready for the waiting, just as I am ready for doing what is necessary to bring about the changes I am working on. I will not stumble along the path, because I know that even when the terrain seems to be staying the same, I am not, I am always changing, I am always moving forward toward who I will be, I can’t stop the process I can just influence what I look like, who I am when I get there.

So, I passed the 65 pounds lost point, I am actually sitting at just over 66 and a half as I type this. The journey is a little slower now than when I started, but I am still moving in the right direction. I am still motivated to watch what I eat, to work out every day, to keep track of myself and to hold myself to the higher standard I plan on making a lifelong commitment. Every day I try to learn something new about fitness and nutrition, I read articles and work on being a better informed me. I have also begun thinking about what I put on my body as well as what I put in. I have begun making my own personal care products, full of only good ingredients that I can identify and pronounce. I feel better and, I think, look better, than I have in years. I am moving toward being a whole new person, with that in mind I am also refocusing myself on my faith journey, working on my faith writing. I know not everyone wants to read about my religious beliefs, or my relationship with Jesus, but I cannot separate one journey from the other. While I am writing about getting fit, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the part my faith plays in my willpower, I have prayed for strength and determination, and continue to pray and praise God for getting me this far and for keeping me on track. For me, the two are connected in real ways, if I want to serve God in this life, then I need to take care of this life, I need to treat myself better so that I am ready to be used by Him when He calls. I honor Him when I care for myself, when I eat better, work out and take care of the life He gave me. That is why He strengthens me in this journey, I believe He has something for me to do, maybe it is writing this down, maybe it is something that will come up later. So, that is where I am in my weight loss efforts, in my workout efforts and in my faith walk.

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