October is a strange month for me, not because of the costumes and people going door to door asking for candy, not because the weather is changing and my mind wanders to spending Holidays with the people I love, or because I can almost justify listening to Christmas music. October is strange for me because it is a month of memories, overwhelming memories some happy and some sad.

My husband and I began dating in October, he met my daughter and my family for the first time at the end of October, we had her birthday party early and he attended that and then he went along when I took her trick-or-treating. We had been friends, but our relationship became something more at the end of October, he became the man I had given up hope of finding as well as the father my daughter needed and deserved. October holds for me, some of the most amazing memories of hope and happiness.

In October of 2010 I had back surgery, early in the month, and a few weeks later I spent a week sitting in a hospice room watching my almost 22 year old daughter finally being called home. She had spent her whole life trapped in a body that did not work right, that she could never fully control and that seemed to always be working against her. In that last week of October, she became peaceful, she slipped gradually from my grasp, the work of her life had been completed and at long last our prayers of healing were being answered in the most profound way, she was going home, healed and whole and free from the challenges of this world.

In October 1993 my daughter got a dad and I got a husband, (well, we weren’t married until May of 1994)to share life with, we built a family together in the years that followed, and we shared every high and low that came along. In October of 2010, my husband lost his daughter, he was alone with her when she passed, slipping away in her sleep as they held hands. There was never a moment in all those years where he wasn’t her dad, where there was any doubt in his mind or anyone else’s that he was the right one for the job. He loved her, and cared for her, and he held her hand in that last moment and she was finally quiet and peaceful and she left this world to go home.

October is a strange month for me, I love the changing weather, the hint of what’s to come. I love the celebratory feeling of Halloween, and the promise of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I love the hopefulness and thankfulness that seems to fill up the minds of people everywhere. I have experienced the greatest joy and greatest sorrow in October, I have seen promises made and fulfilled, I have seen life and death, and I am always left humbled by both. October is a strange month for me, I guess it always will be, but it is a good month, it is a good season, and it is a good life.