On April 28, 2016 I decided to change my life, I decided to stop being a fat me and to transform myself into a fit me. Okay, so it kind of started before that, with the small step of quitting my diet caffeine laden cola, who am I kidding that was a huge step. You see that cola had come to be my constant companion, always there for me, and whenever I tried to leave it behind it would call my name, or give me headaches as I went through a kind of withdrawal. So, I had given up the cola, which I loved, but sometimes you love something that isn’t good for you.
So, back to April 28, on that day I started a supplement regimen, aimed at helping me control my cravings and undo as much of the damage I had done over the years to my body as I could. On that day I said good-bye to refined sugar, corn syrup in any of the many forms it takes, to artificial sweetener and to empty carbs. I did not go carb free, I just decided to make smarter carb choices. We had been experimenting with a variety of grains, moving into the old and whole grain section of the market, or on Amazon, as the case may be.
I planned on walking every day, something that didn’t actually begin until well into the month of May, but I got there. The nice thing about the supplements I was taking is that I immediately felt the release of my cravings. I was a sweet addict, always wanting something sweet, looking for something sweet and I was also a bored or stressed muncher. I would regularly wander into the kitchen to see what I could eat, not really hungry but still curious. Within 24 hours of starting the supplements and stopping the sugars, syrups and artificial sweeteners, I had no such compulsion. I did not wander into the kitchen looking for something to snack, I did not buy a candy bar at the checkout lane, because it called my name and when I bought treats for my youngest son I did not feel the need nor the desire to share them with him. I wasn’t doing without, I honestly didn’t want them. That was the difference for me, I had never cut back on anything in my diet without wanting to have it again. Quit diet cola, but I wanted it, could hear it calling me in the store, especially from those dang little fridges in the checkout area. “Shelly, you are thirsty, it is hot out, wouldn’t I taste great, come on, you know you want a soda.” Sad things is, before this I always did want a soda, to feel those bubbles and taste that whatever it is, because I am pretty sure that flavor doesn’t really exist in nature, at least not in food from nature. But this time, this time really was different. Between my genuine desire to really change my life and the supplements that I was taking, I didn’t want the soda, I wanted water when I was thirsty, it is almost as if I started to really understand what my body had been saying all along instead of what the products I had been eating and drinking had to say.
It wasn’t just the soda, I was now free to wander the grocery store, free to check out the produce aisle, to skip the aisles in the middle where all the prepackaged foods, laden with things my body was glad I was no longer feeding it, sat waiting for me. I didn’t hear them. I actually did buy some donuts for my son, and never ate a single bite, and when they went stale, a state which a donut had not gotten to in my vicinity in years, I threw them out, I wasn’t even tempted to eat one, I wasn’t going without, or fighting an urge, I honestly didn’t want one, that was the big difference this time, that is what made me know I could do this, I could beat my food problems, I could begin a fitness routine, I could change my life for the better, because this time my body and I were in this together, this time I was listening to my body and not the food around it.
So began my journey to discover the real me, the thin girl who I had hidden away under layers of fat, fear and frustration. I knew then that I would find her, if I stuck to the path, and in finding her I would free myself and feel better and look better and be better at being me.